whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
