Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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