your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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