i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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