Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
