Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
