yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
