OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
