I think my vagina is haunted
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
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Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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