Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
