I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
