I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
