So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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