Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
