So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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