She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
