i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
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Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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