so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
