Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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