My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
