did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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