she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
