I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
