I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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