instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
