I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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