she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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