overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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