Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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