I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
