I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
