Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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