When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
