He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
