My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
