BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
