Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think my fart just growled at me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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