Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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