I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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