as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
