im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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