I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
