My brain says no but my pants say off.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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