Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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