At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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