So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
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when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
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I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
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