Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
