i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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