discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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