So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
