I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
