Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
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He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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