apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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