You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
