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Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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