he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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