The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
