I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Small penises have feelings too.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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