just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
