Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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