I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
