So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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