I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
