Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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