i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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