I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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