Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
