I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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