pedialite and red bull = repair kit
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
