the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
