I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
two words...techno handjob
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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